How to Feel Good: Monday Motivation

Beware of the people who tell you your healing has to look like suffering. That you are not allowed to experience or express joy in the middle of your storm. That until, or unless, you have sufficiently presented your performance of Black girl pain to the judges for approval and feedback, that you cannot show up in any other way, except bowed down and broken. 

This is my note to self. 

I thought someone else might need this note today. 

I’ve been navigating a lot of guilt and shame for the pockets of peace and joy that I have found in the middle of healing from the impacts of hyperthyroidism. 

It feels like until I am better enough to show up for the hard things like work, family obligations, or to-do’s that needed to be done a year a go, that I better not show up for anything else. 

Not for the easy things. Or the happy things. Certainly not for the good and satisfying things. 

I’ve always told myself I have to earn those things and if I don’t earn them, I don’t deserve them. 

But feelings aren’t facts, and oftentimes, neither are the stories we tell ourselves. 

I am learning this day by day. 

Learning that “I deserve” is a complete sentence, not a bargaining chip. 

I’m coming to grips with my own humanity, making sure that my compassion includes myself. 

I’m reminding myself that whatever the source of my pain today, the origin story dates back generations and it’s OK if it's taking me longer than I can stand to get steady and on my feet. 

I’m learning that the people who tell you that your healing needs to look like suffering sometimes got that idea from you. 

It’s our own self-criticism and sabotage that is often the loudest voice in the chorus. 

To respond to it, you will have to learn to whisper sweet nothings back to it—“It’s OK. You are OK. You can rest. All will be well. You are worthy. This is what it looks like right now.” 

The more you tell yourself a new story, the more permission you give yourself to feel good, the more you shake off the guilt of surviving, the more healing you will be able to access. That’s the equation. 

So today, on this Monday, give yourself grace, and every other good thing that you need to feel good. 

Whatever your healing looks like, it doesn’t have to be—won’t likely be—linear. So take the good that is available to you now. Don’t question it. Learn to trust it. As your trust expands, so will the abundance around you. 

Don’t know where to start to feel good? Sis, go for a walk. It starts there, each day, for so many women, including me. 

Vanessa (& Mo)  

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